L I C K A B L E R E C O R D S.

I watched Passengers (2008) this morning in the background while doing some work.

Check out all the dew drops in Anne Hathaway’s eyes! Why didn’t they just hire Camilla Belle if they were going to Photoshop Anne into her anyway?

It’s a spooky, vague, slow (indie?) thriller in hues of blue, so I knew a twist was coming.

These are some of the guesses I wrote down in the process of watching the film:

- Anne Hathaway is secretly deformed? Everyone keeps telling her how beautiful she is. Or is that just a way to warm up the audience to the lead character; an audience who may be unsure if a toothy, big-eyed brunette is pretty and worth their attention.

- She’s dead? Her sister won’t return her calls. But there’s no way they would do something so cheap…riiiiight?

- She’s not a licensed therapist? She’s pretty bad at her job, you see. Wearing glasses and pinning one’s hair in a bun is not enough.

- The entire group of the plane crash survivors were actually abducted by aliens? They all saw bright lights, didn’t remember what happened, blah blah blah. I was convinced this was it.

- Anne Hathaway (the therapist to the survivors) was in the plane crash along with everyone else? No way. (Spoiler: Yes way.)

In short: don’t watch this movie. It will tug at your heartstrings, make you squint at all the poorly-lit sets and ultimately leave you dissatisfied about a very lame ending.